hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
