so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
