I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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