Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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