Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
