Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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