Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
