wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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