This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm passing your future prison.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
