She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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