Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
