Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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