**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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