I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
