im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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