And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
even my farts smell like vagina
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
