New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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