Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
