I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
