I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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