I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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