maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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