so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
