dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
