I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
