Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
