We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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