I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
