also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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