even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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