I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
