I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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