I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
