im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
