Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
