Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
