Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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