I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We left the knife in your bed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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