grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
