so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
