then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
