I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
