Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am mentally ready for anal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
