in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
