when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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