addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
