shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
