If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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