She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
