Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she woke up with a sticky ear
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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