I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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