Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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