Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
