Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
