You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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