Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
