I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
