eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
