Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
