Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You made out with two different species that night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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