Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
