his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
