Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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