After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
