his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
